I have a real problem. I love The O.C. Night after night, I unwrap a new disc from Netflix and I shroud myself in a cocoon of angst, teenage alcoholism, crushes, ennui and incredibly hot rich people. It’s. So. Good. But anyway, the problem is that I would like to create an O.C.-like life for myself, but I loathe California with the ceaseless capacity of my soul. So actually going to Newport Beach (which is probably not a real place, now that I think about it) and creating a booze-soaked, jewel-encrusted life for myself seems totally impossible.
Thus, I propose that we create a new neighborhood in Brooklyn called Newport Beach and then gradually adjust some key features of it to more closely mirror the ideal. I’ve done some basic accounting (below) so we can more easily assess the plan’s inherent plausibility.
So who’s with me?
Things we have:
- Cocktails at 10AM
- Our own lifestyle magazine
- An appreciation of the self-referential
- Hopes and dreams
- Crippling materialism
Things we can work on:
- Steamy lesbian subplots when the story line gets too repetitive
- Dredging the Gowanus to make it look more like the Pacific Ocean
- Getting perfectly geeky/perfectly stoic boyfriends
- Existential crises
Things we will never have:
- Horrible make-up artists who leave blush circles on our cheeks
- Water polo and pep rallies
- Mansions with stand-alone pool houses
- Rachel Bilson