Most/Least Romantic Spots in Brooklyn

It’s Valentine’s Day. Here is your tipsheet on Most/Least Romantic Spots in Brooklyn.

Stone Gazebos at Grand Army Plaza

 

• Most Romantic when: during a twilight stroll your beloved pulls you into the privacy of the gazebo for a surprise smooch.
• Least Romantic when: during a twilight solo stroll a stranger pulls you into the privacy for a surprise sodomy.

Dumont in Williamsburg

• Most Romantic when: you and your beloved enjoy delectable food and cocktails in a cozy, dimly lit environ.
• Least Romantic when: your beloved confirms his/her suspected lactose intolerance with a dish of Dumont’s famous macaroni & cheese. You wait it out, stacking the melting ice cubes in your glass.
  • NOTE: Least Romantic scenario may happen at one of any number of dairy-serving romantic restaurants. Diner beware. 

 Roller Skating in Crown Heights

• Most Romantic when: your beloved is actually Bow Wow and he has choreographed a special roller-dance dedicated to you, which he performs on the floor at Empire Roller Rink.
• Least Romantic when: you go to Empire and then remember that it closed a year and a half ago.

It was so awesome!

Ice Skating in Prospect Park

• Most Romantic when: your beloved is actually Sergei Grinkov and you are Ekaterina Gordeeva!
• Least Romantic when: you fall through the ice and no one saves you. You become a ghostly spectre that forever haunts the Carriage House.

Role-Playing LOTR in Your Apartment (if you live in Brooklyn, that is)

 

• Most Romantic when: you are open to basking in unabashed man love. 
• Least Romantic when: NEVER NOT ROMANTIC.

 

Coney Island

Photo by Oneiroi

• Most Romantic when: you snag a cart on the Wonder Wheel and make out with your beloved.
• Least Romantic when: a carnie stows away in your cart and has his/her way with you.
  • NOTE: Least Romantic scenario may in fact turn into Most Romantic scenario, contingent upon teeth, smell, size of hands of carnie.

The Promenade at Brooklyn Heights

Photo by Oneiroi

• Most Romantic when: you are listening to Sufjan Stevens, writing in your journal, overlooking the city, pondering the twee-ness of it all, when your soon-to-be beloved’s pet bulldog starts humping your leg. Romance ensues.
• Least Romantic when: you are listening to Sufjan Stevens, writing in your journal, overlooking the city, pondering the twee-ness of it all, when somebody’s pitbull starts biting your face. Bloodloss ensues.