Weekend at the Movies

The summer season is coming to an end, and studios are throwing out the last of their blockbusters. This weekend, that includes one sure-fire hit, and several possible misses.

The Bourne Ultimatum – America’s blander, more straight-edge James Bond is back. In the third in the series, we can undoubtedly expect more car chases, karate, foreign locations and cell-phone yelling (”Where is he? We’ve lost Bourne! Aghhhh!”). These movies, for what they are, tend to be pretty damn entertaining. I’m sure this one will be no exception. Plus, Julia Stiles doesnt have a whole lot going on for herself right now. Playing Save the Last Dance on TBS every five minutes only gets her so much money. Have a heart. She’s cold and her fridge is full of condiments. This is playing at the Pavilion and the United Artists on Court Street.

Bratz – What’s that? Brats, spelled with a Z instead of an S? I’m so in. In this ten-inch toy to film adaptation, four girls arrive at high school as best friends, and are ruthlessly torn apart by cliques (which are all run by the bitchy Meredith). They then realize that they can stand out and be unique, and decide to fight back again the Meredith’s evil autocracy. Then a character arrives and tells them all that they are staring in a shitty rehash of Mean Girls. The last hour of the film consists of hundreds of teenagers crying at the career paths they’ve chosen. Jon Voight co-stars. And no, I’m not kidding. This is playing at Union Square.

El Cantante – Jennifer Lopez has been laying (J-) low for a while, as this seems to be her first big release in some time. But honestly, after making gems like Monster-in-Law, Jersey Girl and Gigli, you might need a break too. Here she stars with off-screen hubby Marc Anthony in the story of Hector Lavoe, the Salsa “King.” Here’s to hoping she’ll come to be known as “Jenny from the Block…buster.” I know. I hate me too. I cry at night.

Hot Rod – Andy Samberg: wacky internet genius or smarmy Jimmy Fallon-esque butt potato? I’m still on the fence. In this he plays a stuntman named Rod. Weirdly, this movie might be appropriate for his fans and those who hate him, as he spends most of the movie falling down and getting hurt. Johnbaptisedme will clearly be first in line at this one. See you there JBM! You bring the whippits this time, jerk. This is playing at the Pavilion.

Underdog - Jason Lee is officially all grown up. He’s thrown out his skateboard, cleaned up his Kevin Smith-influenced potty mouth, watched chipmunks eat each other’s leavings, joined the Church of Scientology, and is starring in talking dog movies with Jim Belushi. I only hope that we have a Jetsons Meet the Flintstones-esque crossing of My Name is Earl and According to Jim.

Becoming Jane – Becoming Jane takes the story of Shakespeare in Love and turns it on Jane Austen, as we learn of the romantic encounters that inspired the writer’s famous novels. Anne Hathaway plays Jane, and James McAvoy plays Thomas Lefroy. Maggie Smith also costars. I’m pretty sure that at this point, Maggie Smith just magically appears on every British film set on the first day of shooting (or maybe she flies in with an umbrella) and asks where she is needed. This is playing at the Angelika.

The Ten – Many of us here at BS are fans of Stella and The State, so clearly, this movie looks like a dream come true. Kevin Marino and David Wain wrote these short films about the ten commandments, and it is definitely my pick of the weekend. Here’s to hoping that it’s more like Wet Hot American Summer and less like The Baxter. Paul Rudd is in it too. I would pay eleven dollars to watch him silently smile at a camera for an hour and a half at this point. This is playing at the Sunshine.

Otherwise, Brooklyn Bridge Park is playing Hair tonight, The Sunshine is playing The Goonies at midnight on Friday, and McCarren Park is playing Three Kings next Tuesday.