Drowning in Republican Tears #1

Republican Party, you have made your god weep.

I really take glee in all of the proclamations of the downfall of the Republican Party (Yet two years ago they said the same about Democrats). It’s probably due to the overwhelming arrogance that it embodies. With people like Bush, Cheney, Gonzoles as the poster-boys. It’s like the joy of watching the bullies and villains at the end of movies get thrown down into a pit of snakes (my apologies, I’ve watched a lot of Indiana Jones).

In my first installment, let’s talk about our favorite Mr. John McCain.

First I’ll have to agree with Wonkette in saying that he’s probably campaigning for Emperor of the Deathstar:

While there was a time where I could hypothetically accept John McCain as our new overlord, he’s now just a sad mumbling and mixed-up candidate. He’s trying to be bed buddies with the conservatives he pissed off by being more independent, and then pissing off the independents that gave him support in the first place. He’s desperately trying to avoid being a “maverick”, and aiming to abandon his wild streaks (aka fold under pressure, don’t cause trouble). How can you trust a man this that’s this casually selling his soul? Despite all of this, his poll numbers suffer more everyday (see graph).

Now join him as he rides the STRAIGHTALK express, while regurgitating everything he’s said over the past 4 years: Torture is unacceptable, until he’s criticized by Republicans then can accept the abandonment of habeas corpus, takes back the bad things said about intolerant religious leaders (Hi Falwell!), he falters on the idea of tax payer funded condoms in Africa, and plainly refuses to define a stance on gay marriage anymore. Now after being a swing voter against Bush, they’re now BFF’s (they pass notes in a spiral notebook) and he keeps giving the Iraq War support and the high-fives it needs to keep going. He’s so frightened by the idea of offending the conservative base, it’s the only thing he can commit to anymore.

Also please let’s admit and acknowledge all of his efforts to convince you that he’s not really 70 years old. Quick, look at his well designed McCainSpace (All you can do on the site: Give money or find someone to give money)! See he’s clever because it’s like “myspace”, but instead of “my” it is “mccain”. Get it? And you can join him in March Madness! See, he’s just like you! Vote for him!