The scene: It’s 8:20AM and a young lady – let’s just say it’s this editor, for the sake of argument – stumbles sleepily down the stairs to the subway, shuffles past the booth and stops for a moment to fumble with her MetroCard. Lodged in the turnstile nook, headphones on, hands engrossed in the search for the MetroCard, she is helpless. And that’s when the Subway Pervert descends.
SP sneaks up behind the helpless lady and grabs her ass like he is being sucked into a black hole and it is the only way he can keep from being torn out of this reality and having all of his cells flipped inside out. What I’m trying to say here is that it is a strong grab. However, in the moment it happens, she is already going through the gate and by the time the atrocity of the situation hits her, she is on the other side. She spins around, locks eyes with SP and gives him the dirtiest look she can muster. It is some cold shit, though probably no match for a good old fashioned molestation.
Now, the aggrieved young lady has a couple of options. First, she can go back through the turnstile, forfeit her $2, and punch/yell at SP. This is not really an ideal choice should the young lady have wrongly identified the Pervert or should the Pervert be more wily, high or violent than she originally expected. The second option would be to yell to the cop who happened to be on the platform, “THAT PERVERT JUST GRABBED MY ASS!” The cop, of course, would be forgivable if he responded, “I’m really just here to look out for terrorists. Ass-grabbing is totally righteous and American.” The final option would be to ignore it, tossing nothing his way but some stink-eye. And this is what she does.
I propose we start an advocacy group for subway molestees. Or at least provide everyone with NYC branded pepper spray. Or scarlet SPs.
Cops aren’t bad/scary people. Most days he probably just stands there, sometimes warning people to “stay clear of the closing doors” and “watch the gap” (or throwing out the homeless and the kids selling candy from the train). He may not be able to do much besides strike the fear of the NYPD into the transgressors heart, but if it stops SP from repeating his dubious actions, it is then worth it…eh?
i too have struggled with the proper way to address sub-pervs. i’ve always liked the idea of grabbing balls and twisting. never done it, but i do like the idea.
yup.
i often plan on being molested in transit, but it has actually never happened to me. this has occasionally made me wonder why i am not a more desirable target. has anyone else ever felt this way?
no?
oh.
aw, xan. you’re totally cute. i’d attack you on the subway any time.
I’ve always wanted to be a subway perv, but I’m actually life-threateningly allergic to “stink-eye.” So it’s not really worth the risk for me.
Also, Pizappas…I think it’s safe to say the ball twist only makes subway pervs stronger. You have to use your fire spirit on them…or head-butt them in the nose.
BEHOLD!…how does this influence the R-train vs. F-train subway debate?
R Train still wins because that’s the most action I’ve gotten all week.
Zing!