Critical Inquiry: Union Hall vs. Floyd

Number of Bocce Courts:

Floyd: One

Union Hall: Two

Performance Space:

Floyd: No

Union Hall: Yes

Price of Drinks:

Floyd: Reasonable

Union Hall: Reasonable, if slightly more expensive

Douchebags/Sq. Foot on typical Tuesday Night:

Floyd: .1

Union Hall: .3

Douchebags/Sq. Foot on typical Saturday Night:

Floyd: 1

Union Hall: 3

Jukebox:

Floyd: Better

Union Hall: Good

Average Age of Patrons (rough guess):

Floyd: 25

Union Hall: 29

Bathrooms:

Floyd: Two, not disgusting

Union Hall: Ten-ish?, not disgusting, often quite clean

Major Perks:

Floyd: you can play bocce, most nights it is not very crowded, nice bar tenders, pew-like benches, lots of alt-country on the jukebox, have Bass Ale on tap (it’s delicious!), nice furnishings, people bring their doggies sometimes, Crap-o-copia, everyone is guaranteed to like this bar

Union Hall: you can play bocce, very beautiful space, cool bands and events downstairs, have two sections of padded wall (…), nice outdoor area, have Regina Spektor on the jukebox, within walking distance of my house, the food looks great but is very meat-centric, everyone is guaranteed to like this bar

Major Faults:

Floyd: Sophisticated computer system to dim and brighten the lights in an annoying but hip way, not as close to my house

Union Hall: People bring their children (Jesus Christ, Park Slope. What’s your fucking damage?), it’s incredibly crowded on the weekend and just uncomfortably crowded on weeknights, more frequent incidents of patrons being total assholes, long wait for bocce, the food looks great but is very meat-centric

Final Verdict:

Two Brooklyn bocce bars diverged in a borough, and I – I took the one less Park-Slopified and that has made all the difference (sorry, Mr. Frost). So, I like Floyd best.